All posts tagged DangerMike

Smorgasbording – March 2, 2012

It’s like waterboarding, only without the wet clothes and awkward goodbyes!

It’s Friday morning. I’m tired. I’m a little bit hungover from the Fun concert last night. Needless to say, this isn’t going to be some of my best work. Everybody is allowed an off day. I could take this time together to talk about current events and poke fun at the mishaps of celebrities. See that? I just strung together six straight words that start with “T” with the greatest of ease. Anyway, I’m not going to do that. Instead, I’m going to spend this brief time talking shit about TBSE founder Tuna and his sidekick, The Mischievous Masturbator (aka Dangermike). Somewhere along the line, these two lovebirds got too big for TBSE. Now they scoff at it. Instead of changing to a new format shortly after New Year’s, like Tuna promised, we’re still stuck in TBSE 1.0. Here’s another fun stat – Tuna hasn’t posted a real blog post since February 7. That’s just unacceptable. What’s worse is that Dangermike hasn’t posted anything since December 29. Nope, you didn’t misread that – DECEMBER 29.

Don’t worry guys – I’ll keep TBSE afloat until you pop your huge heads out of each other’s asses (both literally and figuratively) and lay fingers to keyboard. I’m just a good guy like that.

Bringing Back the Glory Days

Remember when one of our loyal readers sent in this beautiful ass shot back in October? Clearly, we’re far removed from TBSE’s heyday. I’m aiming to fix that.

I want everybody and everything - girls, boys, dogs, cats, ferrets, etc. - to send ass shots to iheartsmorgasbording@gmail.com. Each and every one of them will be featured on Smorgasbording next week, complete with a review and a grade. Don’t be ashamed if you’re fat, pale, zitty or hairy. It’s all good in the hood! And the beauty of it is, it’s completly anonymous. So I expect to see each and every one of your asses in the coming days. Let’s right this ship and get TBSE back on the map. T-B-S-E! T-B-S-E!

Movie Clip of the Week

Randominities

    • Is it weird that I literally want to murder people who abuse and mistreat animals?
    • I’ve been saying it for years, but “reality” television needs to just go away. The majority of it is scripted, and if you don’t know that, you’re an idiot.
    • As a diehard Red Sox fan, let me just say farewell to Jason Varitek. He was a master at handing the different personalities and egos of a pitching staff, as well as great teammate and a true professional. It’s going to be so strange to see the Sox take the field this season without Tek, Tim Wakefield and Tito Francona. I wish we could just get rid of Bobby Valentine and name Varitek the manager – guess I’ll have to wait a few years for that though.
    • If you don’t already, follow Chad Ochocinco (@Ochocinco) on Twitter. You would never guess it by the way he’s acted on the field in the past, but the dude is awesome – he’s down to earth, friendly and quite modest.
    • Does anybody else have Liberty Tax Services in their area? Just because you have a fat chick dressed up as the Statue of Liberty waving to me from the street corner doesn’t mean I’m getting my taxes done there. Unless chunky Lady Liberty over there is willing to do some role play in the bedroom, I’ll take my W-2 elsewhere.
    • Memo to Cheerios: Stick to the original flavor. I swear there are like 10 different flavors of Cheerios now. On the other hand, keep those flavors coming Frosted Mini Wheats!
    • ESPN’s Streak for the Cash will be the death of me.
    • I recently learned how to type in bolds and italics on Gchat. Needless to say, I feel like a badass.
    • As an adult (16+), only one movie has made me cry like a 12-year old girl at a Justin Beiber concert. Guess what that flick is in the comments section.
    • If anybody in Rhode Island needs a job, I found one for you.
    • Also, can somebody help me out with this? I really need that necklace back.
    • I saw that they’re coming out with another sequel to American Pie, this one being American Reunion. I’m not quite sure how I feel about this. Obviously American Pie and American Pie 2, even American Wedding, were classic comedies and a staple of my generation. I’m just not sure how this new movie will be now that they’re all in their mid-30s.
    • I’m sorry this Smorgasbording is so shitty. I promise to be better. Hey, at least I’m not as bad as Tuna and Dangermike, right? But seriously, send in those ass shots.

Hey, tuna and dangermike, WordPress 3.3.1 is Available

I was strapped for time this morning and had such a void of interesting things to write about that I was actually considering a blog on women’s tennis.  Then, just as I was about to turn my laptop keyboard into a symphony well struck consonants, vowels and impeccable punctuation, WordPress sent me this manna from blogger heaven: WordPress 3.3.1 is available, and I ought to notify my site administrator.

The fact of the matter is that I can’t be expected to churn out top notch posts without doing it on top of the line software, and neither can my colleagues.  Since dangermike and tuna are such notorious tightwads (seriously, has anyone even received a paycheck yet?), I figured a public notification was necessary in order to get the type of response that’s going to get TBSE out of the bush leagues and into the Majors.

Tuna and dangermike, consider yourselves notified.

Steak N’ Shake – Delicious

I would argue Steak N’ Shake is a Midwest staple. Fortunately, I have lived in both NC and FL where Steak N’ Shake was abundant. However, since I’ve moved to VA, my fatty fix for Steak N’ Shake has not been able to be fulfilled. Worry not, Northern Virginians! I have discovered a Steak N’ Shake only but an hour and a half from DC.

Now, I’d be crazy if I drove an hour and a half for a delicious steak burger, beans, cole slaw, and a strawberry milkshake. Like me, I’m sure most of you mid-atlantic’ers travel south from time to time. When you do, take the exit off of 95 and grab some Steak N’ Shake. Its brand new, delightfully greasy, and will leave a brick in your stomach but god damn is it good! I don’t know much more to say about this than to tell you to go and get a burger. If you haven’t had Steak N’ Shake, these are a few things you need to know:

1) Steak N’ Shake is like a Johnny Rockets but fast food oriented and 1 million times better. I think the menus are pretty similar but you don’t get the singing idiots at Steak N’ Shake when you tip them. Johnny Rockets out – Steak N Shake in.

2) You have to get a steak burger. Get a single, double, triple…whatever. I go the classic: lettuce, onions, ketchup, and mustard. However, you have plenty of other options, delicious cheeses, and some crazy combos. Not to mention the burgers are like $3.50. If they still have the philly steakburger, get that.

3) You have to order sides. The baked beans (they serve these in a crock if you dine in) and the cole slaw are second to none. Cole slaw is fantastic and would probably taste amazing on your burger. The beans are smokey, sweet deliciousness. If you are a vegetarian, don’t go to Steak N’ Shake.

4) As I said, Steak N’ Shake is a bit far from DC. So if you are a NOVA’er or a Marylander you are going to have to commit sometime. Be warned, you are going to love it! You are never going to want Five Guys burgers again, Chick Fil A milkshakes will be second rate, and McDonalds french fries will be sub par at best.

Make the trek, you won’t regret it. If you like it a ton, send Steak N’ Shake an email and tell those fucks to move North so I can eat it and be a fatty fatty no friends like DangerMike.

 
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