All posts tagged ass shot

Smorgasbording – March 2, 2012

It’s like waterboarding, only without the wet clothes and awkward goodbyes!

It’s Friday morning. I’m tired. I’m a little bit hungover from the Fun concert last night. Needless to say, this isn’t going to be some of my best work. Everybody is allowed an off day. I could take this time together to talk about current events and poke fun at the mishaps of celebrities. See that? I just strung together six straight words that start with “T” with the greatest of ease. Anyway, I’m not going to do that. Instead, I’m going to spend this brief time talking shit about TBSE founder Tuna and his sidekick, The Mischievous Masturbator (aka Dangermike). Somewhere along the line, these two lovebirds got too big for TBSE. Now they scoff at it. Instead of changing to a new format shortly after New Year’s, like Tuna promised, we’re still stuck in TBSE 1.0. Here’s another fun stat – Tuna hasn’t posted a real blog post since February 7. That’s just unacceptable. What’s worse is that Dangermike hasn’t posted anything since December 29. Nope, you didn’t misread that – DECEMBER 29.

Don’t worry guys – I’ll keep TBSE afloat until you pop your huge heads out of each other’s asses (both literally and figuratively) and lay fingers to keyboard. I’m just a good guy like that.

Bringing Back the Glory Days

Remember when one of our loyal readers sent in this beautiful ass shot back in October? Clearly, we’re far removed from TBSE’s heyday. I’m aiming to fix that.

I want everybody and everything - girls, boys, dogs, cats, ferrets, etc. - to send ass shots to iheartsmorgasbording@gmail.com. Each and every one of them will be featured on Smorgasbording next week, complete with a review and a grade. Don’t be ashamed if you’re fat, pale, zitty or hairy. It’s all good in the hood! And the beauty of it is, it’s completly anonymous. So I expect to see each and every one of your asses in the coming days. Let’s right this ship and get TBSE back on the map. T-B-S-E! T-B-S-E!

Movie Clip of the Week

Randominities

    • Is it weird that I literally want to murder people who abuse and mistreat animals?
    • I’ve been saying it for years, but “reality” television needs to just go away. The majority of it is scripted, and if you don’t know that, you’re an idiot.
    • As a diehard Red Sox fan, let me just say farewell to Jason Varitek. He was a master at handing the different personalities and egos of a pitching staff, as well as great teammate and a true professional. It’s going to be so strange to see the Sox take the field this season without Tek, Tim Wakefield and Tito Francona. I wish we could just get rid of Bobby Valentine and name Varitek the manager – guess I’ll have to wait a few years for that though.
    • If you don’t already, follow Chad Ochocinco (@Ochocinco) on Twitter. You would never guess it by the way he’s acted on the field in the past, but the dude is awesome – he’s down to earth, friendly and quite modest.
    • Does anybody else have Liberty Tax Services in their area? Just because you have a fat chick dressed up as the Statue of Liberty waving to me from the street corner doesn’t mean I’m getting my taxes done there. Unless chunky Lady Liberty over there is willing to do some role play in the bedroom, I’ll take my W-2 elsewhere.
    • Memo to Cheerios: Stick to the original flavor. I swear there are like 10 different flavors of Cheerios now. On the other hand, keep those flavors coming Frosted Mini Wheats!
    • ESPN’s Streak for the Cash will be the death of me.
    • I recently learned how to type in bolds and italics on Gchat. Needless to say, I feel like a badass.
    • As an adult (16+), only one movie has made me cry like a 12-year old girl at a Justin Beiber concert. Guess what that flick is in the comments section.
    • If anybody in Rhode Island needs a job, I found one for you.
    • Also, can somebody help me out with this? I really need that necklace back.
    • I saw that they’re coming out with another sequel to American Pie, this one being American Reunion. I’m not quite sure how I feel about this. Obviously American Pie and American Pie 2, even American Wedding, were classic comedies and a staple of my generation. I’m just not sure how this new movie will be now that they’re all in their mid-30s.
    • I’m sorry this Smorgasbording is so shitty. I promise to be better. Hey, at least I’m not as bad as Tuna and Dangermike, right? But seriously, send in those ass shots.
 
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