All posts in Video Games

Worst Commercial of the Week

by BallsDeep on September 23, 2011 in Random Thoughts, Television, Video Games with 1 Comment

NINTENDO 3DS – STARFOX 64 3D

“So Brett, what are you up to this weekend man?”

“Nothin much, brah. Just planning on sitting in a small, white room playing Nintendo 3DS with three of my boys. You know how I roll.”

Are you fucking kidding me? Who does this? Don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan of video games, but you have to draw the line somewhere. Sitting around a large, plasma TV and playing Madden or Call of Duty with your friends is one thing… but sitting in circle-jerk formation playing a video game on a screen no bigger than my cell phone is just retarded. I also like how the producers of this commercial decided to stick the black guy in there, just to make you aware of two things: 1) black people do play video games; and 2) the three white guys may be douchebags, but at least they’re not racist. In fact, it’s quite the group of friends – we have the token black guy, Miguel the Latino, a Jewish guy who also happens to be a ginger and a guy with glasses and funky hair… not really sure how he fits in.

I think our black friend here is a little confused though. “Where am I? Where am I? You can’t see me!” Sir, you are sitting in an all-white room surrounded by three white “men.” Your statement would make more sense if it was a dark room, perhaps at night, with dark paint. I, for one, can see you just fine.

I’m sure you noticed the quotation marks around the word “men” in the previous paragraph. No self-respecting men would ever sit around playing video games on a tiny Nintendo 3DS with each other. Just not happening. I don’t give a shit whether you’ve been Bar Mitzvahed or not, John. You’re still not a man!

The Death of the Pick Up Game

by ginger jack handy on September 8, 2011 in Electronics, Games, Random Thoughts, Sports, Video Games with 2 Comments
 
 
 
 
Technology is a great thing. I don’t know what my life would be without the Internet, HD, or my Ipod. But technology also makes us lazy and encourages stupidity. For example, I’m terrible with directions and have lost all hope in my ability to read a map. Therefore, I got a GPS and find myself typing in directions from the grocery store down the street. Not really, but you know what I mean.
 
What does this have to do with pick up games? Well, with this updated technology people would rather sit around playing video games, then go outside and actually play sports. I never understood it. I’m going to be that 75 year old guy stumbling around trying to guard his grandkids.
 
As a kid all I did all day was sports. I’d play pick up baseball in my neighbors backyard and shoot hoops all day and night. I played so much that my basketball actually lost its grip. I hated being inside and still do. In high school when I wasn’t practicing for a sport, I was playing pick up with the ” Great Falls Crew”. I was lucky enough to be good friends with people who all loved playing pick up hoops. We would battle almost everyday in the summer, and every weekend during school.
 
This continued during summers in between college. Binns, Brett, Zane, Zo, Chow, Rich, and a variety of others would play almost everyday at Zane’s court, or the courts at Village Green. Binns and Brett would talk a lot of shit, but they’d always back it up. Really we all talked a lot of smack to each other but it was all in fun. The important thing is we were all out there playing sports instead of sitting in a dark basement in our pajamas wasting away our youth. The exception to this is of course Justin Chow who made a career out of playing Madden and has won a ton of money off it.
 
During college I had some of my best pick up games. We had a crew of 5 that played together everyday and would repeatedly go days without losing a single game. Everyone worked well together and we had Steve Perry, who is probably the player I’ve most enjoyed playing with over the years. He could take over a game when he wanted to, but was always a pass first player. I will always miss those pick up games.
 
Today I’m still always down for a game. Lately I’ve been frequenting the courts around Arlington and have rounded up a solid group of players to play with.  All I want to do after sitting on my ass in front of a computer screen all day is go outside and play ball. I don’t understand people that don’t like being outdoors.
 
It is up to the youth of America to revitalize the pick up game. As we get older and more responsibilities come our way, we have less and less time to call up the boys for a game of basketball. Don’t waste your youth. Before you know it you’ll be 45 years old, with 3 kids, a wife and mortgage. You will be dreaming of the days when you had the ability to shoot a turn around J. All I know is as long as I can walk I’ll always be down for a game to 11.

A Blast from the Past

by BallsDeep on August 31, 2011 in Sports, Video Games with 1 Comment

Fuck you, Irene. I really did not need this added stress with my wedding coming up this weekend. Glad to hear our venue is still running on a generator and one of the hotels at which we blocked rooms still has no power. Seriously… fuck you, bitch.

Anyway… since I have been out of work for the past two days and need to catch up on a bunch of stuff along with sneaking in wedding preparation as well, I’ve decided to give you all a blast from the past. I dug up this gem from my old blog – circa 2007.

.: finally!

My friends… today, I accomplished something. I accomplished something I never thought I would – not in a hundred years. I didn’t cure cancer. I didn’t finish a novel or a screenplay (that is for later in life). No, it was something much more important to many of you readers.

It has to do with video games.

For over 15 years now, I have been a video gamer. From the early years of Nintendo through the Sega Genesis era, whether it was Nintendo 64, computer games or Playstation 2… I have been an avid fan. While I dabbled in a little bit of every genre of game – action, shooter, strategy – one style obviously remained closest to heart. The sports genre. I can’t count the number of sports video games I’ve owned, but it must be approaching 50.

And while I love nearly every sports game, baseball has been the game of choice throughout my video gaming career.

Let’s see if I can name the baseball games I’ve owned – I’m sure I’ll miss a few. My Nintendo days included Bases Loaded, RBI Baseball, RBI Baseball 3, Little League World Series (Texas was the team of destiny), Base Wars, Baseball Simulator 1.000. I spent much time playing Hardball III on my dad’s old computer on the third floor of 9 Teal Lane, and more time playing Backyard Baseball and Backyard Baseball 2001 on my computer. When Sega Genesis rolled around, games like Triple Play ’97 through Triple Play ’99 commonly showed up on my television screen. Oddly enough, I don’t think I owned any baseball games for N64, but I could very easily be mistaken. This takes us right up to the PS2 generation, where many a sore thumb has been produced by games such as MVP Baseball 2004, MVP Baseball 2005, MLB 2006, Major League Baseball 2K6 and, most recently, MLB ’07: The Show.

Suffice it to say… I enjoy my baseball games.

But today, at approximately 6:17 pm (Eastern Standard Time), I forced Josh Paul of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays to hit a meek ground ball to first, thus giving me my first no-hitter in over 15 years of baseball gaming.

No, there weren’t many fans in the seats at Kauffman Stadium in Kansas City to see their 18-29 Royals square off against the 12-36 D-Rays. No matter. Recently promoted starting pitcher Zach Day brought his best stuff to the park.

As with most no-hitters, there were a few defensive gems. First baseman Casey Blake made a sprawling play to his right and threw a strike to Day hustling  to cover first, forcing out the fleet-footed Carl Crawford in the top of the fourth inning. Second baseman Mark Grudzielanek leaped high to pull down a B.J. Upton line drive in the sixth.

But when the announcers began to talk about the possibility of a no-no, I feared the worst. Even a video game should know that unwritten rule of baseball; never talk about a possible no-hitter.

Three up, three down in the seventh. Three up, three down in the eighth. Beads of sweat began to form on my forehead. I wiped them off before knocking home Jimmy Edmonds to give my team  a 2-0 lead heading into the fateful and nerve-wracking ninth.

Dioner Navarro swung at the first pitch in the ninth and lifted a lazy ball to center fielder David DeJesus for the first out. I had been here before. I had been two outs away, only to have my hopes crushed. A rookie I had never heard of followed suit with a fly out to center.

Two down. Just one more out.

The count ran to one and one on Paul, and then it happened. A slow roller to first. This was it. I maneuverd Blake into position, fielded the ball and promptly stepped on the bag.

Zach Day… you are my hero! Not just a no-hitter, but a perfect game. I did the deed in style!

I pumped my fist, blew a Sosa-style  kiss to the TV and walked to the fridge. There I found a cold Miller Lite and decided my accomplishment wouldn’t be complete without drinking it.

I sat on the couch for a few minutes, enjoying my frost-brewed refreshment and letting the moment sink in. Fifteen years of struggles could not have prepared me for the joy I felt.

As it stands now, this hard-earned achievement will certainly be mentioned on my gravestone epitaph.

One love. But no hits.

Guest blogger – Swanznugget – Nostaglic Time Killer – Virtual NES

by tuna on May 17, 2011 in Reader email, Video Games with 1 Comment

Following graduation, my non-traveling experiences of this past summer can best be described as the closest I ever hope to be to living in a trailer park. My former next door neighbor, who loves his meth and by a very generous count features a dozen pearly whites, literally had extended family living out of a trailer in his backyard for the better part of July.

But it wasn’t all bad, especially on days that time-wasting projects just had to come before job hunting. One of my greatest achievements of this time was fixing a broken Nintendo Entertainment System (also known as NES, or the first video game console that was worth owning or actually delivered any kind of entertainment). It had been gathering cobwebs for a handful of years in the storage shed of my home, and its previous owner was lost in a sea of corn and bible-thumpers in rural Nebraska. Even though I was one of those poor redheaded stepchildren that didn’t own a console growing up (let’s be real – Sega Dreamcast does not count), attempting this repair was unquestionably a great way to kill an afternoon. Continue reading → «Guest blogger – Swanznugget – Nostaglic Time Killer – Virtual NES»

Modern Arcade Game – Octane 120 Pro Beer Arcade

by tuna on April 21, 2011 in Alcohol, Video Games with No comments

Gentlemen, I hope you have tissues close by because, frankly, you’re going to need to clean your shorts after reading this.

The machine pictured above is a classic arcade racing game with a front-facing HD projector, built in kegerator, in dash tap, and rear-facing tap for easy beer dispensing.

The machine pictured above is a classic arcade racing game with a front-facing HD projector, built in kegerator, in dash tap, and rear-facing tap for easy beer dispensing.

I put that twice intentionally because I want to make sure you’re grasping the implications of this revolutionary product.

#1.) You will be playing classic arcade style racing games in your living room.

#2.) You will be drinking delicious beer while driving your virtual car.

#3.) You will never have to leave your seat to pour yourself a fresh brew.

While some people may argue this just makes people think it’s OK to drink and drive, I’m going to disagree and say that this eliminates the need to ever drink and drive again.  Like, think about it….. why would you ever leave your house?  Who needs to drink and drive when you can drink and virtually drive arcade style in your living room?  There’s just no need to ever see the light of day.

Oh your friends are going to the bar?  Screw your friends.  You have a bitchin-ass, personal car kegger at your disposal.  I’m pretty sure your friends will be coming over to see you.

Oh you want to go to the bar to try and meet a member of the opposite sex??  Again, I’m pretty sure you just drop the line “I have a virtual racecar kegger” while you’re out in public and you’re going to have someone throwing themselves at you.

And one last silver lining for the people who still think it encourages drinking and driving– practice makes perfect.

Now somebody give me $6,000 so I can get it!!!

http://www.dreamarcades.com/octane120.shtml

PS – If this site ever starts making money– this is what will be purchased with the income.

Basketball Video Game- NBA Jam

by dangermike on April 13, 2011 in Video Games with 3 Comments

The older I get, the more I love baseball. It’s a slow game but it builds suspense because you can’t rush perfection. Would you rather watch The Usual Suspects or House of Wax with Paris Hilton? That being said, I grew up at the tail end of the golden age of the NBA. It was my first love and you never forget something like that. I grew up with nicknames like The Reign Man, The Worm and The Mailman. There was no such thing as The Thunder, The Wizards were (still shitty) called The Bullets and no one Dougied for 10 minutes when they were announced. There was a brotherhood in the NBA. Not to mention the greatest of all time, His Airness. I was Michael Jordan for 3 Halloweens in a row (with a turtleneck under my jersey per Mom’s request). I had posters of Shaq and Sir Charles on my walls. For goodness sakes, I knew every line to those Lil Penny commercials (gosh, has it been that long since Tyra was hot?). However, all the hours spent counting down fake last second shots in my driveway (where’s the Smarthouse when you need her Moody?) and all the time I spent pouring over box scores instead of catching my school bus can’t compare with the sleepless nights and arcade tokens I poured into NBA Jam. I nearly mortgaged my future children’s college education on that game in quarters. It’s the best game ever.

For starters, how many other games let you play basketball as Bill Clinton? None. I swear- only me and four of the most average looking, overweight, cocktail waitresses in Mississippi could have known he could poke holes in a defense like that. You might say that he was one of the best swingmen in the game. When faced with hard D, he would just stuff it in the hole.

Moving on-

The Gameplay was unparralled up to that point. High flying dunks were now the highest flying dunks and if you were good, which I was, you would be shooting a flaming basketball for most of the game. I can’t forget the pushdown on D. I particularly hated Jon Starks. I showed him how I rolled.

Most underrated part of the game- the commentator. To that point the only basketball announcer I knew was Marv Albert (only because he was court-ordered to knock on our door and tell us he was moving to the area). I never bought into Marv’s trademark “Yessssss” or “Ball-Gag Me”. I did however love the gems from NBA Jam. “He’s heating up!” and “He’s on fire!” remain go-to cliches for me to this day (especially if I successfully throw trash away from a particularly long distance). I really can’t thank this game enough.

Best Team: Suns- Charles Barkley and Dan Majerle

Worst Team: Any team with Jeff Hornacek (Pictured) on it (happens to be the Sixers at this point in his career)

Biggest horseshit: If Michael Jordan had been in this game, the NBA Jam Chicago Bulls would have gone down in history as the greatest video game team of all time. But instead they had Horace Grant.

The only way I would have improved the game would be to have legendary, Red Auerbach light up a cigar with Bill Clinton after you won. What can I say. I’m a dreamer.

 
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