All posts in Television

Surviving the Next Zombie Apocalypse

by El Jefe on October 24, 2011 in Advice, Comedy, Great Debates, Movies, Opinion, Random Thoughts, Television with 9 Comments

I like zombies.  It really doesn’t matter what medium they’re in.  They can be moaning and stumbling around on TV, in a movie, or on one of the video games I’m playing.  Generally speaking, adding a zombie to entertainment is like adding bacon to a meal.  It’s a game changer and an upgrade.

The problem is, no matter how terrifying (see Walking Dead) or hilarious (see Sean of the Dead) a zombie piece is, I always find myself questioning the tactics of the characters in peril.  Now I admit that getting frustrated at a worldwide zombie outbreak is a somewhat retarded way to spend your time.  However, I definitely feel like movie directors and video game producers underestimate the ingenuity of people who’re a stone’s throw away from becoming tenderloin.

For example, why the fuck are these people always marooning themselves on the nearest rooftop?  And don’t give me the whole, “oh…maybe my cell phone will get service,” argument.  When the White House and every McDonalds has been destroyed, I think it’s safe to assume that Verizon’s 3G network is non-operational.

Secondly, why do people always let the person who’s been bit hang around?  It’s like finding a medical station with the zombie cure is as easy as pumping gas. If someone gets bit in my group I’m putting them down before we can even argue about it.  I’d hope they’d do the same for me.  Just sneak up behind me and give me a double tap to the back of the head.  It’s a lot better than watching your calf get gnawed off, which frankly, is probably going to happen anyway.

So here’s my question: what do you think is the best tactic for avoiding death by zombies?  If all normal rules of zombie entertainment are in effect (i.e. no military support, only limited ammo and arms, absolutely no means of state-wide or national communication, etc.), what would be your game plan for the four to eight people you’re surviving with?  My original thought was building a tree fortress much like the one from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.  But the rooftop argument wins here too.  As soon as a large herd finds you, it’s either starvation or a foot race.  Fuck both.

That’s why I think it would be interesting to film a zombie film set in Vietnam.  Think about it.

Either way, let me know what your plan would be and why.

Worst Stuff Ever: The Decline of South Park

by thehorseyourodeinon on October 14, 2011 in Television, Uncategorized, Worst Stuff Ever with 1 Comment

I hope I’m not the only one who has noticed or who cares that South Park has been entirely unsatisfying for about the last year (the last spectacular episode in my mind having been the “Its a Jersey Thing” spoof of Jersey Shore). Now I have a couple ideas as to why this might be and they may all coexist to create the perfect storm of self satisfaction, I mean sub par imagination(land) and content: 1) The wildly successful Book of Mormon has stolen time, creativity and energy from the creators leaving only the scraps for their bread and butter, thus creating hope that as the hype around their Broadway show eases their cable show’s quality will subsequently  increase. 2) The Simpsons are no longer competition. You may say, “but wait there’s always Family Guy”, but that’s not really competition for these guys at this point either as that too has been declining for some time. 3) Paralleling this season’s lackluster episode “You’re Getting Old”, maybe I’m the one getting old and like funneling screwdrivers and drawing swastikas on friend’s linoleum floors, I’ve simply grown out of the show and/or its style of humor. 4) They’ve lost sight of their recipe for success, that is thought provoking social commentary coupled with humor and a willingness to push the edge with nearly every episode.

Whatever the reason behind the decline here’s to hoping they get their act together by next season. After all between South Park, Seinfeld and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia virtually every social situation I run into has some point of reference. Cancelling the show would mean losing 1/3 of  my social commentary jumping off points and without that I might have to become more original and who has the energy for that anymore?

 

Worst Commercial of the Week

by BallsDeep on October 14, 2011 in Random Thoughts, Television with No comments

MCDONALD’S

Wow, I definitely wasn’t expecting Barstool Sports to completely pull the rug out from under me and steal my idea for worst commercial. I guess TBSE is pretty big time now. Anyway, congratulations are in order for McDonald’s – the first two-time recipient of the Worst Commercial of the Week award. Good work McDonald’s marketing team!

Alrighty, let’s get to this shitty excuse for a commercial.

Hey Stacy… no, no, not you. Black Stacy. McDonald’s is going to reward you for being the token African-American in your group by giving you $1 million. Hooray! Seriously, this has to be the worst acting job of all-time… and that’s taking all Robert Pattinson, Vin Diesel and Ben Affleck performances into account. Hey sweetie, you just won one-million fucking dollars… how ’bout a little pep?! I’d be jumping on the damn tables and kissing random girls – maybe even some dudes. Who knows?! This chick though. She must already be a millionaire because she’s acting like $1 million is pocket change. Bitch.

And how could I discuss this commercial without mentioning LeBron James? Oh little Bron Bron. I hate to say it, but one McDonald’s commercial isn’t going to improve your tarnished image. The majority of Americans still hate you and your premature receding hairline. The one good thing about this commercial is McDonald’s dissing Queen James, poking fun at the fact that he’ll never win seven NBA titles even though he pretty much guaranteed he would. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I know this was a ploy by James’ agent to improve his image – didn’t work. Hopefully the only thing Bron Bron ever wins is an order of medium french fries from Mickey D’s.

P.S. – Anybody out there have the Boardwalk piece? I’ve needed that fucking piece since 1992! Damn you, McDonald’s!

Forgotten Cartoon: Disney’s Recess

by boutmypaper on October 10, 2011 in Rants, Television, Uncategorized with No comments

When you’re sitting around drunk reminiscing about cartoons that were still decent when we were growing up, I’m sure there are a few you’re forgetting. Talespin for example. Darkwing Duck.

…and Disney’s Recess.

Recess has an amazing set of developed characters that all get weave together wonderfully as the series progressed. However, the most important component of such a show is that the casual watcher needs to be able to watch a single episode and “get it” without too many subtleties or references to make it awkward. Recess does a great job of that.

Quite simply, the idea of having absurd adventures during a 15-minute recess period is every kid’s dream. I mean, shit, half the interesting situations they found themselves in are entirely unrealistic but that’s the beauty of the show…being a kid.

Additionally, the subject matter is light and fun while still hammering home a message by the end. So here’s a message…get back to work but write down on a post-it-note that you need to DVR some Recess when you get home.

Happy fucking Monday.

Enhanced by Zemanta

sitcom hotties- just in time for outrageous october

by dangermike on September 28, 2011 in Television with 12 Comments

I watch a lot of TV and like all 14 of you reading this, I couldn’t decide who the hottest of all the hotties was. It’s time to settle the debate and I need your help to chose the winner. I have broken down the top 16 candidates into 4 divisions and made up a bracket- let the madness begin:

The “Mom” Division

  • From Modern Family: Claire Dunphy
  • From The Office: Pam Beasley/Halpert
  • From 30 Rock: Avery Jessup
  • From Weeds: Nancy Botwin

The “J.V.” Division-

  • From Community: Annie Edison
  • From New Girl: Jess
  • From Glee: Quinn Fabray
  • From Modern Family: Haley Dunphy

The “Legacy” Division-

  • From Friends: Rachel Green
  • From Seinfeld: Elaine Benes
  • From Saved by the Bell: Kelly Kapowski
  • From Full House: Becky Kastopolis

The “Ethnic” Division-

  • From Modern Family: Gloria Delgado-Pritchett
  • From How I Met Your Mother: Robin Scherbatsky (Canada’s ethnic)
  • From The League: Shivakamini Somakandarkram and Sophia Ruxin

Click on it to make it bigger

Today we are going to determine the winner of the first round in both the Mom and JV Divisions- Here’s your breakdown:

Continue reading → «sitcom hotties- just in time for outrageous october»

Quick Hitters with Swanznugget

by swanznugget on September 27, 2011 in Internet, Music, Quick Hitters, Sports, Television with No comments


Here are a few things that are really great:


Spotify

How am I just now finding out that this exists? I need to get out from under my rock. Over 15 million free streaming songs that you can instantly share as tracks or playlists, now integrated with Facebook? That’s awesome. I like Pandora a lot, but this is even better. It’s even possibly worth paying the monthly subscription to avoid the ads and to support a project this great.

 

The Collapse of the Red Sox

I’m a Red Sox fan, but even I can appreciate the surreal and hilarious nature of Boston’s Mets-like September collapse. The team has somehow managed to defy playoff odds that had approached 100% with a nine-game Wild Card lead headed into September. To clarify, no baseball team has ever coughed up that large of a September lead. How did this happen? Boston has won seven games since taking an August 27th doubleheader from Oakland. They have scored the following total runs in those wins: 7, 18, 4, 18, 14, 12, 9. That’s right, the Sox have won one game in which they scored fewer than seven runs over the past month. The Sox have been regularly handing starts to pitchers who opened the season 5th, 7th, 9th, and 10th at best on the rotation depth chart. Losing third baseman Kevin Youkilis for much of the past six weeks and fielding a team loaded with nagging injuries has taken its toll as well.

The Red Sox ERA by month: 4.24, 4.01, 3.58, 3.70, 3.82, 5.85. Which of these is not like the other?

If the Red Sox drop both of the next two games, they will almost certainly miss the playoffs and will finish 89-73, exactly as good as the 2010 team, which was hit even harder by injuries. What’s really disappointing about this season is possibly watching the monster seasons put together by Josh Beckett, Jacoby Ellsbury, Adrian Gonzalez, Dustin Pedroia and David Ortiz go to waste.

What’s really impressive is how a team that played .650+ ball for the vast majority of the season may miss the playoffs entirely because of an awful 2-12 start and a horrific September.

 

Radiohead on Colbert Report

Stephen Colbert apparently gave Radiohead an hour last night to debut a song and play about half of The King of Limbs. It was all really good. Check it out.

Worst Commercial of the Week

by BallsDeep on September 23, 2011 in Random Thoughts, Television, Video Games with 1 Comment

NINTENDO 3DS – STARFOX 64 3D

“So Brett, what are you up to this weekend man?”

“Nothin much, brah. Just planning on sitting in a small, white room playing Nintendo 3DS with three of my boys. You know how I roll.”

Are you fucking kidding me? Who does this? Don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan of video games, but you have to draw the line somewhere. Sitting around a large, plasma TV and playing Madden or Call of Duty with your friends is one thing… but sitting in circle-jerk formation playing a video game on a screen no bigger than my cell phone is just retarded. I also like how the producers of this commercial decided to stick the black guy in there, just to make you aware of two things: 1) black people do play video games; and 2) the three white guys may be douchebags, but at least they’re not racist. In fact, it’s quite the group of friends – we have the token black guy, Miguel the Latino, a Jewish guy who also happens to be a ginger and a guy with glasses and funky hair… not really sure how he fits in.

I think our black friend here is a little confused though. “Where am I? Where am I? You can’t see me!” Sir, you are sitting in an all-white room surrounded by three white “men.” Your statement would make more sense if it was a dark room, perhaps at night, with dark paint. I, for one, can see you just fine.

I’m sure you noticed the quotation marks around the word “men” in the previous paragraph. No self-respecting men would ever sit around playing video games on a tiny Nintendo 3DS with each other. Just not happening. I don’t give a shit whether you’ve been Bar Mitzvahed or not, John. You’re still not a man!

Comedy Central’s Best Blog

by El Jefe on September 21, 2011 in Comedy, Culture, Random Thoughts, Television with No comments

It’s hard not to respect Daniel Tosh. His stand-up routine is one of the funniest acts I’ve seen in a while and Tosh.0 is pure genius.

Think of how much time we kill surfing the Web for videos of people embarrassing or accidentally hurting the shit out of themselves. It’s why YouTube cost Google billions and new blogs pop up on a daily basis. We want easy access to the most ridiculous content out there. It’s free and quick entertainment that’s uncommonly funny because most of the time, it happens in real life to real people.

Tosh’s team of writers and the producers at Comedy Central deserve credit for seeing our lust for internet humor as an incredible opportunity.

The show’s great not only because the clips are almost always funny or gross (which is better to some people), but there’s the same give and take between the audience and Tosh that you can find in message boards and comment sections online.

He reads emails from viewers, displays their Tweets, and also broadcasts new and original videos created by his Tosh.0 fans. Regardless of how the show is made available to us, the Tosh team has created one of the best, if not the greatest, blogs out there.

← Older Entries
 
Webdesign