All posts in Technology

Your Christmas List 2.0

by dangermike on December 19, 2011 in Technology, Weekend Recap, Worst Stuff Ever with 2 Comments

Tomorrow is Tuna’s favorite day of the year so I just had to spread some Christmas Holiday Spirit. I actually got to hang out with Tuna for a swanky little dinner party I hosted last weekend and it was a good time and a great reason to post this picture:

Don't act like you aren't impressed.

And after I stuffed his face (so homo) with the finest meal he’d ever eaten we got to talking about Christmas Lists. I realized that all I really wanted were three things, which I’ll list below. I won’t spend to much time on Tuna because like I said in my last article, all he wanted was rubber-dildo-fists.

English: Southwest Airlines 737-300 N310SW. I ...

Image via Wikipedia

1.) A brand new staff for Southwest Airlines

I’m poor and will be forever until people invest in my line of crotch-less yoga pants that I’m dropping this spring. Because of my lack of funds … all the time … the only airline I fly is DirtCheap Southwest. I actually kind of like Southwest because of its aforementioned low prices and also the open seating- no other airline lets you weigh the options before picking your seat (do I want an aisle seat next to a baby/fat, smelly dude or a middle seat next to a smokeshow?). They even serve you pretzels and peanuts in flight! There’s the Pros. Here is the Con- their mother fucking flight attendants. Someone needs to tell me when stewardesses became comediennes because I must have missed that news-break. Jokes with the seatbelt, jokes with the oxygen masks, jokes about crashing: “In the case of a water landing be prepared to … scream! Haha, just kidding. You can use your seat cushion as a flotation device. Or not because you’ll all be dead!” Yeah, that’s just what I want: jokes about my mortality while I’m strapped in a tin-can in the sky that, if it drops out of the air, will be my coffin. I don’t normally complain about professionalism but when I’m 1 billion feet in the air without a parachute, let’s keep it on the straight and narrow.

2.) SupaBoy 

This is the coolest thing I have ever seen/thought of in my life. In the 7th grade, I loved my Super Nintendo so much it didn’t bother me that I wouldn’t kiss my first girl for 5 years (a true and very sad story). Needless to say, I wasn’t very cool- at the time I was rocking braces for the second time in my short 13 year life and I had a very circular bowl cut that made my head look like a wiener. Penis heads don’t have a lot of friends in Junior High so I spent a lot of time alone. Imagine how much I would be benefitted by having a Supaboy! Imagine how much better I would be at Street Fighter II or maybe that ever elusive kissing thing. See, even though real girls weren’t an option, the lip-marks on the television in my family’s living room might show a different story between me and Chun Li. I’m not even embarrassed. Her thighs and posterior leave her 7th grade counterparts in the dust, am I right?

The official Miller Lite logo

Image via Wikipedia

3.) Cheaper cheap beer

If getting drunk was like having sex, seeing a Miller High Life bottle would get me wet. And drinking it would make me squirt. So thank goodness they are different or else I’d never get drunk spitting my beer all over the place. My only problem is that cheap beer ain’t cheap enough. I like to drink at nice establishments and even if I’m downing pints of $4 Miller Lite for 4 hours, my tab is still going to be too rich for my blood (which, at that time, is watered down by half). I don’t really have a solution to this because I refuse to drink Vladimir or Aristocrat so Santa Baby, can you please put some cheap beer in my stocking this year?

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worst thing ever – a wobbly table

by Hot D on October 26, 2011 in Comedy, Opinion, Technology with No comments

You are at a restaurant and you get placed in a new section. Every time you’ve been in before, you get the same table, the same server and the same level of satisfaction. This time, however, everything has changed. You find yourself and your compatriots at the mercy of a new host or hostess who doesn’t know and refuses to acknowledge your superior standing at this establishment. Then, the worst thing happens…you sit down at your table to immediately find that you have a lemon – a wobbly table. This will throw off your whole game. If you got soup, you might as well just spill it down the front of your shirt or blouse. Same can be said about your glass of red or that expensive mixed drink. Any hope of having a pleasant meal is now gone.

Alas, an invention has come along to fix this – the Wonkey. This brilliant little key ring doubles as a wedge for that chair or table that has failed at its job to be, well, a chair or table. Now, according to the website where I found this, the Wonkey seems to be a British invention…I don’t know how easy it will be to get one of these shipped across the pond or if they are even selling them anymore. Its worth a shot to try and find one if you, too, hate a wobbly table. Don’t pick up that stack of napkins or try to finagle a piece of your clothing underneath the leg so you can eat in peace. All it takes is this simple little device and all will be saved.

Happy eating…and drinking.

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Quick Reason Why Gmail is Awesome

by boutmypaper on October 5, 2011 in Internet, Technology with 2 Comments

Gmail did something really awesome today and saved me a common embarrassment.

I typed an email and went to send it when Gmail kindly reminded me of something

WOW! SHIT! Yes, Gmail. I sure as hell did mean to attach something. Damn, you’re intuitive. We should date!

How often do you send emails and forget to attach something and feel like a dumbass? More than you care to admit if you’re anything like me.

Sidenote: I also installed a plug-in for my Gmail called Mail Goggles. It doesn’t let you send an email after certain time of night without having to answer five math questions first. Brilliant! Now if only Facebook had it…

Worst Commercial of the Week

by BallsDeep on September 2, 2011 in Random Thoughts, Rants, Technology with No comments

5-HOUR ENERGY

It’s been a long time coming for these god-awful commercials. I probably could have used just about any of the 5-Hour Energy commercials, but I’ll go with this one since I saw it most recently. First off, let me say this about 5-Hour Energy… I’m still not convinced it’s harmless. It wouldn’t shock me in the least to find out 15 or 20 years from now that these little shots of energy cause malignant tumors, flesh-eating viruses and/or cause your penis/boobs to suddenly shrivel up. Anything that makes your heart beat faster than Gary Busey’s following a line of coke just cannot be good for you.

Whenever this particular 5-Hour Energy commercial comes on television, I just stare in amazement. I understand the thought process behind the marketing people – hire “regular, everyday” people for the commercial as opposed to models. But christ… come on! That red-headed chick looks like a mix between Kathy Griffin and Mr. Ed. “I can barely keep my eyes open.” Seriously sweetheart? Each of your eyes is about the size of a baseball, so I can only assume it takes your body massive amounts of energy to close them. So you’re either taking the shot of 5-Hour Energy just to close your eyes, or this ad is completely lost on me. “It’s me, just a better, more awake me!” As far as I can tell, there is absolutely nothing good about you – but then again, I don’t have a horse fetish either. You need a cosmetic surgeon to make yourself better, honey… not a shot of 5-Hour Energy.

Also, I love the last quote by the mulatto chick with the awful haircut. “I don’t feel jittery. I’m in control.” Soooo… did you just join Busey on that bump or are you talking about 5-Hour Energy? I feel like any product that can easily be confused with cocaine probably won’t last too long, but I’ve been wrong before.

And that’s that from BallsDeep for a while – no I’m not quitting like Frizanks. I happen to LOVE the subject matter of this blog – and you should too. I’m getting married tomorrow and will embark on my honeymoon to the Dominican Republic on Monday. Hopefully I don’t get swept away by a hurricane. Peace out for now, homies.

Best Blender

by frizanks on August 4, 2011 in Kitchen Items, Technology with 4 Comments
blendtec_golf

The best blenders I have ever encountered have been Blendtec brand.  I’ve seen them in operation at public houses making frozen drinks but also in laboratory environments for grinding and mixing when the need arises.  The things are virtually indestructible.

Almost more importantly since you probably aren’t going to spend the cash on this product for home use is the marketing campaign.  Blendtec’s founder runs a series of mini infomercials which are updated pretty much whenever there is a cultural event.  In them, he blends whatever is most requested item at the Blendtec website and without fail, the blender always comes through.  There are something like 109 videos on the Youtube channel for Blendtec and items include a McDonalds Big Mac Supervalue Meal, various electronics, and about anything you can find around the house.  When the iPad2 came out, it blended.  When Vuvuzelas became popular during the last world cup, they also blended.

One of the more popular blends was 6 Bic lighters.

My hat is off.

 

Best/Worst Thing Ever: Metrorails

by El Jefe on August 3, 2011 in Random Thoughts, Technology, Transportation with 2 Comments

Moving into a city is great for obvious reasons.  There’re lots of young people, plenty of weekend destinations, etc.  I’m also a huge fan of rail systems.  In my case, it’s the DC METRO.  The convenience is incredible.  But for fuck’s sake, could they be any less reliable? 

Something will be wrong with the METRO a quarter of the time I step onto a platform.  I’m talking about:

  • No Air Conditioning: It’s just excruciating, especially in the summer.  The humidity is pushing temperatures to 105 at surface level.  The last place I want to be is in a metal box with no circulation.
  • Broken escalators: I’ve heard that escalators are the best invention ever, because even when they’re broken, you can still use them as stairs.  Not so much in this case.  Good luck getting forearm shivered by some Congressional intern.
  • Delays: Now this one goes without saying.  But what I don’t get is why they choose to do major construction on weekends.  It happens all the time.  And there’s no alternative route they can create down there.  It’s ride the bus or pay a cab.  Either way you’re getting hosed.

If someone tells me this is the case everywhere I’ll stop complaining.  I just want to make sure this isn’t the most retarded commuter corridor on the east coast.

Let’s talk about the weather

by frizanks on July 21, 2011 in Advice, Music, Technology with 1 Comment

…it’s HOT HOT HOT. I’m sensitive to the heat and right now, I’m dying. GTFO with your Florida youth Dgleese. I don’t want to hear it.

I like this song. It makes Tuna vomit. Rum boom boom boom!

Anyhow, I came across this video (assist to Reddit) of how to cool a car down which has been sitting in heat for a while involving opening the window on one side and opening and closing the door several times to blow the hot air out. This has a lot of common sense to it. To convert the Celsius for you, they take an internal temp down from 106.8 F to 91.4 F, which is about the external temperature.

I feel the video is also interesting because it is in Japanese but there are comments from all sorts of different lanugages.

Way to travel the Mid-Atlantic and Northeast

by virginiaslimz on July 19, 2011 in Advice, Service, Technology, Transportation with 2 Comments


No attempts at humor or moral posturing from me today. Just sound travel advice. If the readership of this blog at all reflects the geographical breakdown of its writers, then you would all be well served to add http://us.megabus.com/ to your favorites page.

Advantages of Megabus:
-Cheaper than driving or flying. Hitchhiking is the only cheaper alternative. I recently got a round trip ticket from Richmond to DC for $10. Thats half the cost of my taxi home from the bar the night I was there.
-Safer than Chinatown Bus. Anyone whose taken Chinatown Bus knows what I’m talking about here.
-No wasting time in traffic. This for me is the kicker. I have had legitimate mental breakdowns sitting in traffic on 95. There is no more helpless and infuriating feeling in the world than having your car parked on 95 on a hot summer day. Megabus avoids some traffic by using HOV lanes…but obviously some traffic is inevitable. This is where Megabus really comes in handy. Instead of being uselessly stuck in traffic wasting precious minutes you can either sleep comfortably or take advantage of Free Wifi and 3-prong outlets in every row. Checking wwtdd, catching road beats and a quick nap has never be easier or cheaper.

Since I mailed this post in I thought I should at least share another classic video from Stairway to Stardom. Precious in no way mails this in. She would be f’ing furious with me for giving anything less than 1110% creative effort and energy. She’d probably bash my brains against the Goddamn radiator after reading this.

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