A friend sent me this video in a series that a Chicago chef makes:
The video is somewhat entertaining as he gets pretty drunk off the liquor that is the “key ingredient”, but moreover, it lead me to learn about said ingredient, Malort (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malort). The makers pride themselves on being terrible remarking that “we found only 1 out of 49 men will drink Jeppson Malort.” Apparently it has become a staple liquor in Chicago and is refered to as “Northern Discomfort” due to its awfulness.
The worst thing in the world is this shitty WordPress editor. You’ll notice that there are no hyperlinks. That’s because 50% of the time the ability to link to a page does not work. In the case of the other 50%, everything typed is deleted when I try to find a link.
First off, we got some crab ragoons right in your eyeball. Straight up jumpin out the picture saying “eat me! eat me!” Then you peak your eyeballs a little the right and you got the fried dumplings in the house. Just lookin all crisp and chewy at the same time. You just wannt dunk those bitches in the ginger/soy dipping sauce they give you and make it all salty and sweet. But wait! What is this noodle concoction glistening over on the left?? Oh, it’s just the pork lo mein doin the damn thing. Big chunks of roast pork, some carrots, cabbage, bean sprouts, and whatever the hell else they feel like putting in it. Again, you get the crunch from the veggies, the chew from the noodles, and the manliness of the meat. Obviously I left out the secret ingredient: MSG. Lemme shower in that shit. Gimme that umami goodness in my mouth.
Anyways, this is how you do it: the unequivocal knockout punch to any lingering hangover you may be suffering from.
And I forgot. You get to leave the restaurant with some goddamn positive reinforcement. “You will be fortunate in everything.” Hell yes! That’s exactly what I need to hear when I feel like a bag of mashed up assholes. I WILL be fortunate in everything, thank you very much.
After hearing about the new restaurant opening in the place of the one where many memories were had by most TBSE bloggers, I feel compelled to vent.
Most of us can relate; places we’ve worked where a decent business plan or idea failed miserably due to poor execution. There’s a lot that frustrates me about bad management and it’s hard not to think, “I could run this place way better.” The truth of the matter is that most of us will never know the challenges that go into running a small business. Sleeping in, trying support your drug habits, dodging the IRS, and finding time to scribble something witty in Sharpie on pay envelopes to make up for the fact that crumbled cash inside is less than you deserved are all skills that just aren’t taught in school anymore. You know, just making these up of course.
In fact, I’m currently working somewhere that’s managed awfully. Rather than overstaffing and cutting folks early, the higher-ups seem to believe that having a barebones staff operating at 100+% is a better idea; all it does is make us look foolish to the guests. I’m rambling.
While it’s easy to be frustrated in such a situation, find solace in two things, readers. First off, you’re absolutely not alone. There are a lot of businesses out there (I do believe that many of them are restaurants) that are broken. You’ve just got to make it work for you—get your paycheck and get the hell out. Lastly, these shared struggles spark camaraderie. Friendship is easy when you’ve got something in common…in this case something to rally against.
So in closing, I’d like to bid farewell from myself and many of the TBSE faithful to this little hole-in-the-wall in the heart of Elon, NC. Dangermike and myself stole enough food from you to feed a small family for about a year. I’m pouring out a little Island Chicken Marinade in your honor this evening.
Eataly is a wonderland food emporium. The first Eataly was in Turin, Italy and the New York location opened in 2010 just across from Madison Square Park. I had a chance to visit there a few months ago. The crowds were certainly a turn off but at the same time, that means business is good. It is something like an old-world town-center market that conforms to American health standards. Having Mario Batali on board probably doesn’t hurt. Say what you will, but I think Mario is one of the few “celebrity chefs” that manages to still keep innovating while avoiding being a complete media whore.
Eataly’s appeal is two fold to me. First, it offers a lot of things you can’t readily find anywhere else, especially meats and cheeses that will make you drool. The variety is also incredible. The pasta section alone had about 10,341 different products, 9,879 of which I had never heard of. Secondly, they cook what they sell on premise. It is an environment somewhat like Wegmans if you have had the pleasure. In the fish section, they have a fish-centric cafe and in the pasta section, they have a pasta-centric cafe, etc. Although it is just getting up and running, the NYC location also has a roof-top brewpub Birreria. Italy isn’t normally known for its beers, but there are a few gems if you get past Peroni (piss). Birreria is a collaboration between Del Borgo, Baladin, and Dogfish Head tapping Sam Calagione as a collaborator.
What I’m excited about it that they are hoping to open Eatalys in DC and Los Angeles by 2012. I think National Harbor in Maryland or the McLean/Falls Church areas would be the best bets in the DC metro.
Over the weekend, a co-worker and I took a trip to PA. He’s an enormous MMA fan, and the UFC was making a stop in his hometown of Pittsburgh. I’ve never had the opportunity to see a boxing match, let alone two people trying to choke each other out professionally, so I was immediately on board with the idea.
My buddy and I left DC early Saturday morning. We were hoping to see the fighters get weighed in that afternoon. Luckily, traffic was minimal, and we rolled in about four hours later. We were, however, significantly early for the weigh-ins. I was also very hungry.
Normally, I’d look for a McDonald’s or some other form of cheep and shitty nourishment. But my friend wanted to keep the trip as close to authentic as possible. And people from Pittsburgh don’t do McDonald’s. They do Primanti Bros.
My friend didn’t let me order. Instead, he opted he serve me his childhood favorite — the pastrami and cheese seen above…with double meat. The fries, coleslaw, and tomatoes acted as garnish. It was an absurd sandwich, but holy fuck was it incredible. After twenty minutes of eating and some minor meat sweats, we headed over to Heinz Field to see the fighters do their thing.
Now, let me say this about weigh-ins. They are, without a doubt, the most homo-erotic event one can go to. Here’s why:
Before a professional bout, fighters have to prove that they meet the weight limitations for the upcoming brawl. They do this by walking onto a stage and stepping onto a scale practically naked. This is followed by the combatants taking a promotional photo, where both men stare deeply and intensely into each others eyes. They then shake hands and walk away, like no biggie. It was fucking bizarre.
Either way, I was still pumped to see guys get put on dream street. And by that point, it was time for drinks.
Tuna advised me before the trip to visit Pittsburgh’s Hofbräuhaus. The only things I can remember him saying were “shit show” and “sluts.” And Tuna never steers me wrong.
The place was bananas. People were standing on tables, singing along to polka, and slamming beers and shotskis.
I showed up stone sober. Forty minutes later, I was yelling along to the house-band’s rendition of Hit Me With Your Best Shot. It’s probably no surprise that we wound up back at my friend’s place around 4:30 — making Sunday afternoon come rather quick.
I wish I could give more details about the fights that day. I honestly can’t. There were eleven bouts, and almost all were amazing in one way or another. Ultimately, we saw six people get knocked unconscious, including the one seen below.
Everyone’s calling it the greatest comeback ever. I could of told you the black dude was going to win. I knew it the moment he took his shirt off Saturday.
There’s been a ton of talk about food on this blog. I myself have no culinary skills, and admit that the majority of what I eat gets served to me through a drive through window.
That doesn’t mean I’m not enjoying some of the finest foods this country has to offer, especially when it comes to breakfast. And nobody does breakfast like Bojangles.
I know we have some readers who’ve never ventured to the great Southeast. It’s highly likely that these people will ask themselves, “what the fuck is a Bojangle?”
It’s the mecca of chicken, my friends. One established in 1977 by Jack Fulk and Richard Thomas — two dreamers who’s delectable meals give mouthgasms on a daily basis, from Maryland to Florida.
And don’t, under any circumstance, call it another KFC or Popeyes. Those two establishments can suck it.
You won’t find Kentucky’s over-cooked and over-crunchy chicken at Bojangles. You won’t find Louisiana’s over-seasoned recipe, either. What you get is a “distinctive, flavorful chicken made with a special blend of seasonings and served with hot, fresh buttermilk biscuits.”
Any section of their menu is superb, but breakfast is where my buddy Bo really shines. So, next time you find yourself on the lower half of the Atlantic Coast, plug Bojangles into your smart phone and get after it — preferably in the morning.
My advice: order a chicken, egg, and cheese biscuit with their signature iced tea. Tell me it’s not the greatest thing you’ve ever had.
Well this proves it– there’s no category too small or specific for me to blog about. Drinking straws??? Don’t worry about it. We got it covered.
Now, unless you’re some kind of monster that hasn’t had a sampling of the various fast food drinking straws, you already know this is a no brainer for best straw. There’s just something about the thickness of the McDonald’s straw that the others can’t match. No other straw on the market allows for such a high amount of suckage to your beverage. When you’re thirsty and want a big gulp of said beverage, those skinny little pencil straws aren’t going quench you fast enough. The big girthy McDonald’s straw, however, will douse your mouth in liquid faster than you can snap your fingers. Other appealing elements to the McDonald’s straw include that it’s:
Visually dynamic (Sleek red and yellow stripes)
User friendly (Easy to unwrap AND you can use both sides of the straw)
Highly engaging (You have to keep using it over and over again)
Reusable (If you have a lot of foresight)
Cost effective (They are free in McDonalds)
Mentally stimulating (If you’re trying to write a blog about them)
There you have it. McDonald’s drinking straws are #1. No other drinking straws are as good.
(This is news coverage from the opening of an In-N-Out burger in Frisco, TX on May 11th. The girl makes her first appearance around the :58 mark)
I cannot believe I just watched a girl crying over In-N-Out burger and it was not a fat chick who dropped her tray of burgers and broke into tears.
Now would somebody please get Danielle DeInnocentes to DC to hang out with me? I realize we don’t have In-N-Out burger here but still, I think this girl might be my soulmate. I just can’t get over how this girl is literally shedding tears over the opening of a burger restaurant. There’s something uniquely sexy about it. I guess she just really loves her burgers.
