All posts in Recipes

Moules Frites (Mussels and Fries)


This dish is two things: Belgian and delicious. If you go to nice bars (or shitty ones near the ocean) you might have tried this masterpiece. I haven’t cooked a ton of shellfish in my life but I’m great so here goes: Continue reading → «Moules Frites (Mussels and Fries)»

The Best Shrimp and Grits

Whaddup you guys? I made some Shrimp and Grits last night and here’s the deliciousness:

What you need for the Shrimp:

However many Peeled shrimp you want to eat- 21-25 count

1 Pack of Mushrooms

1/4 Large Red Onion

2 Cloves of Garlic- minced

White Wine

Texas Pete (or other hot sauce if you are dumb)

Flour for Breading mixed with Salt, Pepper and your favorite spices (mine are Cumin, Paprika, and Chili Powder)

Chives sliced super thin for a garnish

What you need for the Grits:

1/2 cup of Corn

1/4 Large Red Onion

3 Cloves of Garlic- minced

3 cups Chicken Stock

1 1/4 cup of Grits

Cheese- as much as you want. I use a lot.

Spices- Cumin, Cayenne, Paprika, Chili Powder, Salt, Pepper and whatnot

What you do:

  1. Saute the Onions, Corn and Garlic for the Grits
  2. Boil the Chicken Stock
  3. Add the Grits and Onions, Corn and Garlic- stir until smooth-ish and turn down the heat to like 25% and cover for about 15 minutes
  4. Salt and Pepper the Shrimp and Bread it with the Flour and Spices
  5. Add the Cheese to the Grits to finish them- if it’s too thin- take the cover off and let the liquid evaporate. If it’s too thick add more stock or water. Also- season it to taste with Salt and Pepper.
  6. Heat up oil in a Saute Pan at medium-high heat and add the shrimp
  7. Once the Shrimp sear on one side, flip and add the Onions and Mushrooms
  8. Once it sears on the other side add some wine (make sure to not get burned) and Texas Pete (don’t be a sissy) and toss around
  9. Add the Garlic and toss more
  10. Scoop the Grits into a bowl and the shrimp on top. Top with the chives and EAT.

Tuna can’t stop complaining about my pictures so this should hush him up a little, calm down chief:


Just a little slice of heaven.

Best Thing I Ate this Week – Cheese Fondue

Not just any cheese fondue, homemade, swiss cheese fondue. Though, after having eaten fondue for two nights in a row, I don’t plan on eating cheese fondue for quite a while. I’m also told, by my aunt, that the boxed cheese fondue is just as good as making it yourself. So for a mere $8, I think I will be trying the boxed kind next time. In total, this fondue recipe will likely run you $50 but, rest assured, you and your guests will be extremely full at the end of this eating adventure.

Our Friday Night Fondue Party



  • 1/2 pound Swiss-style cheese such as Jarlsberg or Emmenthaler, shredded
  • 1/2 pound Gruyere cheese, shredded
  • 2 tablespoons flour or cornstarch (use cornstarch if cooking gluten-free)
  • 1 garlic clove, finely diced
  • 1 cup dry white wine (such as Sauvignon Blanc)
  • 1 tablespoon lemon juice
  • 1 tablespoon kirsch (cherry brandy; I used regular brandy and it worked just fine)
  • 1/2 teaspoon dry mustard
  • Pinch of freshly grated nutmeg
  • Assorted dipping foods (e.g., bread, carrots, broccoli, apples)

1 Place the shredded cheese and cornstarch in a plastic freezer bag. Seal, shake to coat the cheese with flour or cornstarch. Set aside.
2 Add the wine, garlic, and lemon juice to the pot (either a pot on a burner of this), and bring to a low simmer on medium heat. Bit by bit, slowly stir the cheese into the wine. Stir constantly in a zig-zag pattern to prevent the cheese from seizing and balling up. Cook just until the cheese is melted and creamy. Do not let boil. Once the mixture is smooth, stir in kirsch, mustard and nutmeg.
3 Set over a low heat to keep warm. If your pot is thin-bottomed, a lit candle will probably do. If thick-bottomed, you can use a small Sterno, or use the kick ass fondue pot mentioned above (put on temp level 3).
4 Arrange various dipping foods around the fondue pot. (A lazy Suzan works great for this.)
To eat, spear dipping foods with fondue forks or small forks. Dip to coat with the cheese, and eat. Enjoy.
Serves 4.

Turkey Burgers done Right-er

It might come as a surprise to you guys that some of these recipes just kind of fall into my lap. This is a perfect example of that- I was hungry, didn’t know what to eat, so I reached into my fridge and pulled out all of these ingredients. Lucky for me it tasted good.

Stuff you need:

Like I say below- not the greatest camera- Notice I tried mushrooms in this picture. Not bad but not worth it at all- doesn't enhance this burger in any way. The Tots however, well you can form your own opinions on those.

Ground Turkey

Bean Sprouts

Broccoli Sprouts

Green Onions



Cumin, Paprika, Chili Powder, Ground Corriander

How To (this one is pretty simple):

Mince Shallots

Rough chop- carrots, and both sprouts

Slice green onions really thin

mix all together with turkey and spices and salt and pepper

I like to serve it on a toasted potato bun with mayo and either sliced pepperoncinis OR Grey Poupon. (not both- too many flavors then)


I don’t think I’ve done a salad and since it has a few of the same ingredients:

Salad is made of:

I know my cameraphone sucks- the dressing looks like an oil slick. It's not supposed to nor was there actually a vat of dressing.

1/2 Spring Mix and 1/2 Spinach

Thin cross cut slices of grape tomatoes (looks really nice)

Small slices of skinned cucumbers (I try for diamonds)

Shallots- minced


Broccoli and Bean Sprouts

Secret Ingredient- Boursin cheese. This is The Best Cheese Ever. you crumble it with your fingers and you lick them clean like they’re covered in Dorito Dust.

I promised pictures and now you have pictures. Next step- actually make the food look edible.

Fish Tacos

I love these in an unhealthy way. In a, if I had enough money to buy nice fish all the time I would get mercury poisoning, way.

Also this is all pretty standard so nothing crazy you can’t find at the store in the produce aisle.

You need:

3 Avocado

3-4 Limes

10 Roma Tomatoes

1/2 Large Red Onion

2 1/2 Jalepenos

1 bunch Cilantro

Hot Sauce

8 oz container Sour Cream

8 oz container Cream Cheese

Soft Tortillas (or hard if you want but that’s a different debate for a different day)

And last but not least: fish – you can get whatever fish you want, you just have to change the way you cook it. I like Cod, Flounder, Grouper, Tilapia, even Catfish for this. Something white, big and fluffy is what you want.

(You also need spices and flour)

How to:

First let’s do the salsa

  1. Dice up 7-8 of the tomatoes removing the seeds as you go
  2. Do a fine dice on the onion
  3. Mince most of the jalepenos- I recommend making it paste-like to avoid burning yourself out
  4. Pinch off a medium-small handful of cilantro, chop and add- you can always put more in later and a salsa with too much cilantro is nasty
  5. Squeeze 1-1 /2 lime in the salsa
  6. SALT and pepper

Now the Guac:

  1. Scoop out all the Avocado
  2. Add the rest of the diced tomatoes
  3. Add a few pinches of Cumin
  4. Hot Sauce- I like Texas Pete for this
  5. And Lime Juice- You want to keep adding Lime Juice until you can cut the fat of the avocados. Guacamole without enough acid tastes like you’re eating lard, dude.
  6. SALT and pepper

Sour Cream mix

  • Add in a bowl the rest of the minced jalepenos, another handful of cilantro, and the rest of the lime juice with softened cream cheese and sour cream and mix


  1. Mix- Cumin, Paprika, Chili Powder, Cayenne, Corriander, and lots of salt and a little pepper with some flour
  2. Take the fish and cut them down to a small nugget-y size and rub with salt and pepper
  3. Bread the fish and saute in the pan until done

Last but not least, the tortilla:

Quickly (and safely) wipe out the pan from the fish and put it back on the stove top while hot and while the fish are cooling. Put a tortilla shell in the pan and squeeze some water on it to steam and flip with a spatula. Take off before it’s totally dry for some great shells.

It’s Lunchtime

Here’s a lunch I had this week. To describe it in a word- refreshing. 2 words? Fucking awesome.

Candied BALT






Lemon Aioli

Honey, Brown Sugar, Black Pepper

And a good fresh French Loaf

How to:

1. Turn the oven on to 350-400 and put the bacon in to cook halfway, when par-cooked, take out and brush on the honey, brown sugar, and black pepper and finish cooking

2. Next, take your bread- usually french bread isn’t super thick so I like to cut it on the bias (can decide whether this chick is hot)

3. Drizzle some EVOO on the bread with some salt and pepper and toast it in the oven (!!!remember to flip the bread and to keep an eye on it!!!)

4. Now it’s time to make the lemon aioli:

You could get some dijon mustard and an egg yolk and whisk it with oil and shit but I’m lazy today (and most days) so-

Get a half cup of your favorite mayo, cut up a clove of garlic realllllly fine, and mix in the juice and zest of 1/2 of a lemon. Easy right

5. Slice Avocado nice and thin

6. Assemble sandwich and eat.


Mint Fruit Salad



Mint Leaves



How To:

1. Cut fruit in to nice, small cubes

2. Combine in a saucepan, 1 cup of water and 1 cup plus a little more of sugar (this is your basic simple syrup recipe fyi)

3. As the sugar water gets hot, add a few mint leaves, don’t be cheap on it

4. Let the mixture bubble until it reduces into a syrup (not too thick though, it is hot and it will thicken a lot when it cools so don’t overdo it) and scoop out the mint

5. Cool syrup completely

6. Toss fruit in mint syrup and enjoy

Simple. Light. You get it.

Skinny Girl Summer Drink- NOT the Skinny Girl Margarita by Bethenny

la Paloma!

At around 100 calories for 4 oz., the Skinny Girl Margarita by Bethenny Frankel is in fact pretty skinny. I love Bethenny and I love her show, but after purchasing my first bottle of Skinny Girl a couple weeks ago I wasn’t too impressed with the taste of the bottled bev.

So what the heck can you drink all summer long that tastes great and won’t have you looking bloated in your bikini?  Introducing the PALOMA! Heard of it? I had heard of it but had no idea how to make it.  It tastes just like a margarita! I take that back…it tastes a little different. I actually think it’s a bit more refreshing.


All you need is: Tequila (silver is best) + the juice of half a lime +Fresca. First fill your solo cup to the bottom line with tequila (see chart).  Then, add the lime juice, and top with Fresca and ice.  Did you know that Fresca has zero calories? Now you do!  And how many calories are in half a lime? I actually have no idea- but it’s probably like 2.  So really, the only calories are coming from the tequila. BOOM! Now you’re a skinny girl for real.

P.S- How magical was the royal wedding? Kate is beautiful! I didn’t wake up at 4 am to watch, or make royal blue cupcakes…but I did catch the reruns this morning, and I have one question: What the heck is a troff (trough)?

Have an ammmmaaaaaazzzing weekend!

A West Coast Egg’s Benedict Recipe

Made this earlier this week. Fuck Folgers. This is the best part of waking up.

Aside- I think I might call it the “Egg’s Benedict-Arnold Schwarzenegger” thoughts?


8 ounces of butter

4 eggs

2-4 slices of canadian bacon

1 avocado


1 handful of cilantro

1/4 bunch of chives

1 lime

1 lemon

2 slices of the whitest and least nutritious bread you can find

extras: honey, black pepper, brown sugar, olive oil and salt

How To:

1. Make your Hollandaise sauce…this can be challenging but the payoff is sweet.

-melt your butter completely

-crack 2 eggs, and just put the yolks into a bowl

-over very low heat, whisk the yolks in a circular motion (think like a wheel if the bottom were to run through the egg. Speed is not the key, the wheel motion adds oxygen to the eggs and makes them increase in volume)

-add 2-3 teaspoons of warm water to thin it out and now it’s time to add the hot butter

- starting super slow, add the butter to the eggs, like extremely slow- drops at a time in the beginning-  until you form what’s called, an emulsion

- if you do it slowly at first to create the bonds necessary, you should be able to incorporate 8 oz of butter into 2 eggs

-squeeze 3-4 teaspoons of lemon in, a good squeeze of the sriracha, and the chopped up chives and cilantro and store in a warm but not hot place

2. Put a pot of water on to simmer

3. In a saucepan, mix some honey, a hefty amount of black pepper, the zest of one lime and a few tablespoons of brown sugar. Heat to combine and let it reduce a little.

4. Place Canadian bacon on a sheet pan, brush with glaze and put into a very hot oven- this works even better if you cook the bacon 1/2 way first. — you might want to coat both sides a few times while you cook it, to get it super glazed and caramelized.

5. Cut big circles out of the 2 pieces of bread, drizzle oil on it and sprinkle salt and pepper on both sides, and place in oven to toast

6. Crack the other 2 eggs into individual containers to hold (this will make it easier for you in the long run)

7. Once you see little bubbles in the bottom of the pot of water, add some vinegar (a good splash- this helps the egg stay together), spin the water slowly in the pot and add the eggs one after another – be sure to keep them separate or else they will combine- let them cook, they are done when the yolk feels like a water balloon but the whites are solid

8. Cut the avocado in thin strips and place on toasted bread

9. Then place the Candied Canadian Bacon on top, then the egg, and then the southwestern hollandaise sauce on top of that


This is a great dish if you want to impress a lady. Lots of flavors that compliment each other nicely. Now if she’s someone who you just met the night before and you have no intention of meeting up with again- a poptart should do just fine.

Author’s note: I promise I will get better at taking picture of these foods.