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The Official Gal Drinks of Summer, Part II

by mermaid on May 16, 2012 in Alcohol, Girl Stuff, Opinion with No comments

I am rounding the one -year anniversary of my initial decree of the Official Gal Drinks of Summer. Since June 23rd, 2011 I have done my fair share of young-professional, sensible patio/porch sits so I thought it was only appropriate to bring a second set of TBSE gal-approved libations to your attention.

#1 The Paloma:
Tequila wasn’t a friend of mine during my undergrad years however we have forged a serious relationship during our happy hours together. What is so beautiful about the Paloma is the addition of the grapefruit juice, and at some establishments a splash of Squirt. If a drink has Squirt in the summary, I’m ordering it. This cocktail is refreshing, perfect, equal parts sweet and acidic, and downright pretty to look at. You also don’t look like an idiot when ordering this drink at a mexican restaurant, which can happen from time to time when ordering giant goblets of frozen margaritas with sugar on the rim.

#2 Sauvignon Blanc/ Pinot Grigio:
I can’t believe that my first round of Official Gal Drinks of Summer didn’t include ANY mention of the nectar of the gods. If you know me, you would agree that mermaid without wine is like the sky without the sun. It is my drink of choice for all occasions and I’m always the weirdo ordering it at dive bars. Simply put – white wine is the perfect beverage for warm summer days. It is an especially good beverage for long lunches on outdoor patios because with the addition of ice the drink lasts longer.

#3 Vodka Gimlet
This is no longer a beverage reserved for our grandparents. I know a gimlet traditionally contains gin, a beverage I have never been able to swallow thanks to a beach party in my youth, but vodka serves as a wonderful substitute. Vodka gimlets are easy and straight to the point: vodka and lots of fresh lime juice. I have dreams about the Vodka Gimlets at Bar Deville in Chicago’s Ukranian Village because they are just that delicious.

It’s time to put on the sundresses and let loose kiddies. If anyone wants to meet me for any any (or all) of the above on a Chicago patio this summer, you know where to find me.

The Hunger Games: Part II

by mermaid on February 1, 2012 in Books, Celebrity, Girl Stuff, Opinion with 1 Comment

>> SPOILER << DO NOT, I MEAN DO NOT READ THIS POST IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THE BOOK/ HAVE ANY INTENTION OF READING THE BOOK. SERIOUSLY I WILL RUIN YOUR WORLD.

I take it back. Snow is George Bush.

Have I mentioned that Peeta is perfect?
The internet completely agrees with me by the way. No one is writing about how Gale was wronged or that Katniss messed up. Not nobody.

Liking the Hunger Games gives you something to talk about with everybody.
Since making my obsession very public, I have not been in one public situation where THG hasn’t come up. Big party on Friday night? Let’s all stand in a circle and yell, “I LOVE PEETA! I HATE GALE! CAN YOU BELIEVE X,Y,Z?” Seriously, talking about it never gets old and it is an instantaneous girl talking point. Read the Hunger Games, make new friends.

Hunger Games Internet Memes > Everything

The Stylists = Lady Gaga
The world’s obsession with Gaga is the same as the Capitol’s obsession with the role of the stylists. The outrageous outfits, countless waxings and pluckings, and insistence on makeup may as well be the day to day of the Gags. When the stylists visit District 12 and everyone stares at them like they are aliens with their tattooed faces and neon hair is similar to how I would gape at Gaga in real life.

I cannot take anything named tracker jacker seriously.
This is one of the instances where you remember that the book was written for 5th graders. I absolutely, cannot, under any circumstance take anything called a tracker jacker seriously. Honestly. It is more likely that a made-for-tv product would be called a tracker jacker than a deadly weapon. I imagine the tributes yelling in hee-haw voices, ” Ya’ll look out for those darn tracker jackers!”

This is amazing though.

& has been repinned on my Pinterest 49 times. The world agrees.

The Hunger Games is kind of Like MTV’s Battle of The Exes
Or The Real World for that matter. Seriously 7 seriously deranged strangers picked to live in a house and nearly die together. This simile isn’t perfect or fool proof but I was watching Battle of The Exes (don’t judge me) the other day and I immediately started making associations with the games. Basically we watch the contestants on the real world drink themselves to the edge and Panem watches tributes put each other over the edge.
Bottom line, we are voyeurs looking for entertainment at others expense.

Is it March 23rd yet?

The Perfect Man: Coach Eric Taylor

by mermaid on January 12, 2012 in Girl Stuff, Opinion, Romance with No comments

Dear Coach Eric Taylor,
I wanted to write you a letter letting you know why I think you are the perfect man. Since we first met in August (this is when I started watching Friday Night Lights [which you don't know exists because that is your life] and I fell in love with you) I have been trying to compose myself and find the right words to express why I think you are the definition of perfection.

I’ll start with the opening credits of season one, when you so conveniently plugged my blog and showed me your beautiful face for the first time, at the same time. I have to thank you for that.  I honestly can’t imagine a more perfect introduction. Through five seasons of pure turmoil, success, and downright texas-forever fever, you have truly shown me what a man should be.
You are so good looking, I am sweating.
I mean christ. You are probably what? 40-45? Your skin is flawless, your body ideal (athletic but without bulging muscles and about 6’2), and your head of hair will exist in glory forever. Compared to everyone else in Dillon you are a perfect 10 but outside of small-town Texas your beauty wouldn’t be so showy, which is what every woman wants. Your style is simple and you can wear a t-shirt like it’s nobodies business.
You are king of the handhold and the forehead kiss.
Listen, I am no fan of over the top PDA, but I will never turn down a sensible handhold and I will always love you more after a daily forehead kiss. It is just so obvious that you love Tami Taylor and are there for her no matter what. Yes she puts in the work too, coming to every damn game, but after your big W you are always searching the crowd for your lady. Bottom line: you just get it.

You are so good at what you do.
Family, football, molding men. Each of them is just as important as the next and you are superb at all of them. Juggling a wife, angsty teenager, and newborn? No sweat. Winning Texas state championships? No big deal. Dealing with Buddy Garrity and Tim Riggins on the day to day? Piece of cake. Everything you touch turns to gold, yet you couldn’t be less interested in the hoop-la. So in short, you are good at everything you do while never bragging about it, being pretentious, or letting it get to your head. (swoon)

I can go on and on. The way you yell without being angry or aggressive, your appreciation for morning coffee, your tolerance for bullshit (none), your belief that everyone should get a chance at fulfilling their dreams, and did I mention the way you rock a t-shirt?
I just want to say hey, thanks for showing my 23-year old self what a man should be.
Love,
Mermaid

 


Pinterest.

by mermaid on December 8, 2011 in Girl Stuff, Internet with No comments

I asked for a miracle and the universe answered.
I am now a believer in some higher power. I kid you not the creation of Pinterest has restored my faith in this world and given me something to believe in.

You know what I want to do? I want to make fondue, champagne cupcakes, delicious winter sangria, put on Michael Buble’s Christmas album, paint some jars and make some flower arrangements, hang new photos, and clean the hell out of my wood floors. Then I want to make a bar out of an old bookcase, drool over the perfect brunch outfit, plan a meal based off a holiday, devour a recipe for the perfect spinach artichoke dip, and then make all of my Christmas gifts because I can.

Pinterest: endorsing the mission of the gal since 2011.
So for those who have no clue what I am talking about:

Pinterest is a place where you can organize everything amazing you find on the internet. Once you find these things you ‘pin’ them and you place these items on a board. You dedicate these boards to different categories, i.e- nomnomnom (cooking), I can do that (do it yourself projects), and take me there I want to go there (photos of unbelievably cool places that I will one day visit).  These boards are a) pretty and b) remind you of that website you came across and never wanted to forget.

The best part of pinterest is you can see what your friends and various very-cool and in the know strangers are pinning, and then steal their pins and put them on your boards. The internet, people. This is the exchange of highly valuable information!
I didn’t get it at first. I didn’t understand. But now look at me:

I am a monster. All I want to do is pin everything and then go back and look at my handy work. In the past week I have made three delicious meals inspired by pinterest recipes, made Christmas gifts for every woman in my life, hung baskets on the walls as storage, and planned every outfit for winter break in Florida.
I have solved the equation:
Gals:Pinterest :: Bros: Video Games
It is so simple. Boys must get the same high from shooting someone up on Call of Duty as I get from finding the perfect table setting for Christmas Eve.

Nicki Minaj could make a cameo here as pinterest because honestly, this website is eating my brain and filling it with ideas of chandeliers from hoola hoops, inspirational quotes about friendship, 100 things to do with Mason Jars and how to make a bedside table out of a suitcase.

 

 

 

Why TBSE Almost Stopped Working…

by dangermike on December 6, 2011 in Girl Stuff with 1 Comment

It’s been a tough couple months for you readers. I know it because I lived it with you: weird posts at weird times by weird writers (anyone not me). But I’m back and I promise I’m not leaving again! Never! …well until I get busy and forget that people actually read this trash.

Right off the bat I want to put something out there:

Frizzanks imploded, quit/got fired, and then we fell apart.

Can we blame Frizzanks for this? I mean I already blame him for my occasional impotence but could Frizzanks’ douchebaggery have been the glue? Did he patch us together using a cement made from judgement of the most popular sport in America mixed with his weird love for Allagash Interlude (which is delicious- sorry for hating, bro.) No! It couldn’t be! I couldn’t accept us falling apart over HIM because I pride myself on being the ultra-necessary “it”. Ao I dug deeper and I’m a great researcher so I found the whole story super fast and it’s super accurate, I hope you enjoy it.

Note: If TBSE’s fall was a True Hollywood Story on E! Frizzanks would be that guy they couldn’t get a hold of because he wouldn’t return their calls. So this is the story without him:

Not enough V-Necks- 

No this can’t be true. Everyone knows that V-Neck undershirts are the best thing ever. It is our humblest opinion here at TBSE that exposed chest hair is the most manly thing a man can do. Because of that, we frequently let it poke out of our necklines and allow the world to see our merits as men. I’m actually wearing one right now so this can’t be the reason that TBSE almost went under. It had to be something different…

Oh never mind I remember the real reason why we almost ceased to exist:

Tuna started to suck-

A couple months ago, the website got hot. Like “We Found Love” by Rihanna, hot. We were getting hits like nobody’s business because everyone was writing good articles. I mean even Princess Superstar had a well-written piece once… right? Who knows. Anyway, we were hitting our time slots and spamming your Facebook pages. You guys loved it and it showed- we were getting like 3 whole comments a day. The gluttony of success hit us all like velvet to our insides. But like last week’s Always Sunny episode, we hit our tipping point and our marginal success went to Tuna’s head and he became a generally shitty person to be around. He was always bringing up his internet accomplishments to girls in bars to impress them. And by golly, it worked- he finger blasted four consecutive cousins and he was pretty sure that at least three were girls.

B u t  h e  n e v e r  m e n t i o n e d  u s . . . 

It felt like he thought that he didn’t have a really talented stable of writers getting him there. And goodness we are talented! To be honest, I’m not a Tito Jackson or a Scottie Pippen or a Howie Dorough (I am a Goose though, but that’s a completely different article…) . I’m a Michael Jackson/Jordan or a Nick Carter. I’m a front man, dammit- I need the spotlight. So then:

I started to suck-

With all the attention going to Tuna’s head, he wasn’t there on G-Chat everyday, telling me how funny I was and how much he wanted to be like me. And as his tepid congratulations waned and stopped hitting my inbox, my motivation to grace you readers with some extra-funny blogging on a daily basis followed suit.

Then it happened:

I missed a week.

You probably wrote it down in your journals.

It must have been a torturous 5 days in your cubicles. After that week, I just stopped caring and I started to let myself go. I started to use “U” instead of “you” in text messages and I frequently added three, sometimes four, extra exclamation points to IMs. My writing was getting worse and I didn’t know how to stop it. There were nights that I would be walking home from school when my neighborhood verb-junkie would jump out from behind a bush and challenge me to a speed-typing contest.

…I couldn’t even muster 75 words a minute.

I was broken down, out of shape, and was on the verge of being illiterate. Tuna and I had almost completely lost touch, sometimes letting 48 hours pass in between dick-joke exchanges on the internet using a special short-hand that we created that only required the use of our left pinky fingers so we could catch a beat and drink a Slurpee at the same time.

But there was a New Hope: Hot D

Tuna was a lost cause, yelling, “Don’t you know who I am,” after being turned down by 16 year olds at Hot Topic and I was, at this time, practically unable to read street signs. Hot D took it upon himself to breathe life back into the site. He was tirelessly blogging his dick off and making a fool out of every other writer that tried to hold a candle to his abilities.

And then it happened (again)

I got the itch to start blogging. I got the itch to be the best thing that ever happened to the Internet. It was an itch I had to scratch. Tuna was another story but his stint at rehab for Masturbation Addiction is something that he should write about, not me.

Thanks to Hot D, I am back and ready to blow the dust off this mother. I hope you are ready as well. As for Frizzanks, I assume my resurgence as a blogger made him explode with anger like Voldemort when he realized that Harry Potter was the rightful owner of the Elder Wand, right guys? Because of Malfoy, right? I know you guys are with me on this- it was a great plot point.

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Things That Smell Fan-freaking-tastic

by mermaid on October 13, 2011 in Girl Stuff, Opinion, Personal Care with 1 Comment

Mermaid: sucker for smells. This is a title I would proudly add to my resume and it is the honest to goodness truth that if a product smells good, I want it. I have found myself in salon chairs more times than I can count begging to buy the shampoo made for curly hair because it smells like magic, even though I know it will wreak havoc on my straight-as-a -board locks. Here are my favorite scented products and some reasons as to why I love them so:

1. Ocean Potion Aloe Lotion.
Florida & Heaven in a bottle. If you have never lathered yourself in Ocean Potion Aloe Lotion get on the next non-stop to South Florida and pick yourself up a case. This is without a doubt the best smelling lotion I have ever encountered. I have been rocking Ocean Potion since middle school and as my dear friend L used to put it, it is the scent of a “natural girl”.  The smell is intoxicating (think coconuts and the beach without being overpowering) and it leaves your skin as soft as soft can be. Perfect application: spend the day rolling around in the sand and the sea, take a shower, and apply generously. Never will you ever feel (or smell) better.

 

2. Redken Clear Moisture Conditioner
I will spend $18.00 for my hair to smell like this. I can’t pinpoint what the exact smell is, but in my best attempt it is the definition of clean. This conditioner leaves my hair shiny and weightless but most importantly smelling like I just stepped out of the shower all day long. I have tried a lot of conditioners in my day and time and time again I return to the light blue bottle and I always love myself for coming back.

 

3. Neutrogena Make Up Removing Wipes
I love mascara but mascara hates me. It sticks and refuses to leave my face. Very few products can take it off completely so I have had to master a combination of about four to get my face clean. These wipes play an integral role in the madness and mostly because they smell amazing. At the end of a long day my scentless face wash isn’t bringing me back to life, these wipes do. One swish along the forehead and I am surrounded by flower petals, fresh shower scents, and something else that I can’t identify but really rocks my world.

 

4. Giorgio Armani Emporio She
My all time favorite scent. I purchased my first bottle in high school and it is still in the regular rotation of mermaid-endorsed perfumes. It’s heavy without being overwhelming and it sticks, so I can smell it all day long. Sephora tells me this: Emporio She is the liquid interpretation of modern femininity – gentle yet radiant, comfortable yet exotic. Daring. Spirited. Embracing. A modern oriental. With notes of Angelica, Cardamom, Bergamot, Mandarin, Heliotrope, Vanilla, Cedar, Musk, and the style is intrinsically feminine. Sephora knows me better than I know myself! A modern oriental? Yeah, I can get down with that.

 

 

Based on your Halloween Costume we won’t be friends.

by mermaid on October 6, 2011 in Girl Stuff, Opinion with 3 Comments

When I write a book (which I will) this is what it will be titled. It will be a collection of all of the wonderful and not so wonderful things that have happened to me and everything else that I have encountered along the way. Chapter 5: How the to-go cup ruined me. Chapter 10: How to be a one foot wonder (and an even better friend). I don’t care if no one reads it, but I honestly think a lot of girls ages 16-23 would be much better off if they learned from my mistakes and successes. And I digress.

But seriously: I can tell by the looks of your Halloween costume whether or not we will be friends.*
H A L L O W E E N. My least favorite holiday (if you really think free candy makes a holiday the best ever, grow up and get over candy) is completely over-rated. I live in a city that thinks Halloween is the cat’s pajamas. The only reason this city thinks this way is because girls get naked.
I won’t launch into some girl-rage infused rant about how females should have more respect for themselves because I’m not your mother and a) that’s boring and b) that’s unoriginal, which are precisely the two reasons why girls that get naked on halloween and I will never get along. If the absolute best costume that you can come up with is a slutty ‘sexy’ ghost/maid/doctor/bumblebee/alice in wonderland/referee/teacher/cheerleader (seriously?!)/vampire/sailor/witch… get out of my face. I am falling asleep already.
Halloween is for the imagination and sweetie you leave nothing to imagination in this:
(This girl is also 12, which makes this whole predicament even more problematic. BUT ANYWAY!)

Why can’t you be creative? Why can’t you be a REAL sailor with an awesome hat and sick white pants? Why can’t you be a real Alice in Wonderland complete with a Mad Hatter sidekick? Why can’t you think of ANYTHING other than to put on a skirt and cut it in half?
Can the real slim shady please stand up and give me a hallelujah?
This isn’t just a conversation that I am having with my future female friends. To all you men out there- if your Halloween costume sucks, let’s not talk either. If you are honestly going as ‘yourself’, I am led to believe that you are the most uninteresting person on the face of the Earth. That or you think you are too cool for the holiday, which files you under pretentious and thus ‘need not apply’. Just go home and eat your free candy.

It really irks me that Halloween gives people the chance to let their wild side show and a chance to embrace their creativity. There are a bajillion AWESOME things you could be, but instead of picking one of those, you follow suit and spend $60.00 on half of an outfit that four other girls at the same party will be wearing that screams “pay attention to me!” Then I imagine you will wear a sour puss face and suck down your vodka and soda while talking smack about your duplicates. Yawn.
Sadly, Halloween brings out the most uninteresting side of people and costumes that are half-assed. Literally.

*Like I said, your costume will determine whether or not we will be friends. To soothe all of you disgruntled boys out there that love Halloween for the precise reason I hate it, you aren’t looking for friends. Let’s be real.

tuna’s editorial note:  mermaid… are you saying you wouldn’t like me because of my sexy cat halloween costume?

The Notebook-Does Love like That Still Exist?

by ginger jack handy on October 6, 2011 in Advice, Girl Stuff, Opinion, Random Thoughts, Romance with 2 Comments

 

“So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard. We’re gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day.” -The Notebook

I love ”chick flicks” and I am happy to admit it. In fact, I don’t understand why more guys don’t like them or rather don’t admit they do. Don’t you go to the movies to feel happy? I do. That is what these movies do. But I digress….

Tuesday night I watched the Notebook for the first time in years. For anyone who hasn’t seen it I won’t go into details on the storyline, but it is basically the best love story ever this side of Love Actually. As I was watching the story of Allie and Noah I got to thinking, could this happen in today’s world? Does the true love they had for each other still exist? Or has it ever existed? The answer to both of these questions is; Absolutely.

Let’s talk about love for a second. Love makes no sense. The people that look best for us on paper often turn out to be totally wrong for us in the end. I’ve always thought my dream girl would be a 2pac loving, kayaker, that plays basketball and likes Dunkin Donuts, but we probably wouldn’t get along. Chemistry is not something that can be explained, it just happens.

I disagree with the old adage that there is one person for everyone. That’s simply not true. At the same time there probably are only about 100 people in the world that you truly belong with. Only a lucky few of us ever meet that one person, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t stop looking.

Back in the day there were less options. There were no phones or emails to communicate in between dates. You had your time with the girl or guy and then had to wait until the next time you saw them to continue  your courtship.  Yes, technology has changed love, but it hasn’t changed its inner core. Sure, you can text, email, skype, and whatever else kids do these days, but you actually have to be with that person for love to grow. 

The culture of love has changed a lot as well. The divorce rate is 50% with another 20% probably only staying with each other out of comfort. With online dating people from all over the world can now get together. People are marrying at a later age and some choose not even to get married. We have grown into more of an independent culture, which is in itself is a good thing. However, where does that leave true love?

I’ve never felt about anyone like Noah felt for Allie, but I do believe she’s out there. I think love conquers all. Life is unpredictable. You have bad days and good days. But if you find love nothing else really matters. If at the end of the day you can go home to your Allie or Noah everything is okay in this world. We should all strive for this kind of love because all of us deserve it. Remember, you never know when you’ll meet that one person that you can’t live without.

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