There Should Be a Day Everyone Refers to Each Other by Their Former AIM Screen Name

(Walking into the office on “Refer to Everyone by Their AIM Screen Name Day”)

Bob: Hey, hey! Good morning Rhondazoid84!

Rhonda: Oh hey B1gD1ckB0B!  How’s it going today?!

Bob: Pretty fucking good! Happy Refer to Everyone by Their AIM Screen Name Day! Any idea when SillyWilly1084QB is going to be in? I’ve got some TPS reports he needs to take care of, A-SAP!

Rhonda: Sorry B1gD1ckB0b! I’m not your goddamn secretary! Why don’t you ask xNickelbackxKornxStaind?

Bob: Because he fucking sucks!  What the shit kind of screen name is that?!

(Laughter)

That was a real conversation that I made up in my mind.  Quick disclaimer: I’ve been drinking a lot of Nyquil and have no business writing a blog post right now.

So this dude in my office was going around asking everyone what their old AIM screen name used to be.  Suffice it to say, the findings were pure comedy gold.  The conclusions I’ve drawn were if you were a girl and had a lot of X’s, O’s, or 69′s, you were definitely a hoe.  If you were a dude and made any reference to your weiner or the sport you played, you were probably a d-bag.  While this may be a bit of a blanket statement, I’m sure most of you would tend to agree.

This got me thinking to having a special day dedicated to calling each other by your old screen names.  1. Because it’s hilarious and 2.) because you can get a good feel for someone’s true personality.  Sure people change, mature, and turn into productive members of society.  But it’s fun to find out someone’s old screen name because it’s like looking into a window of their former lives.  And who doesn’t want that?

Alright, I’m about to tap out and this blog post isn’t really going anywhere so I’m just going to sign myself into AIM Express (yes, it still exists) and make a list of the most ridiculous screen names on my buddy list along with some brieft commentary.  Apologies to any friends who get called out in process.  On the plus side, I won’t put your real name and I’m going to change the numbers so random people can’t just IM you if you somehow still use it.  Without further adieu:

LiL innocent68 (young girls calling themselves innocent online just doesn’t pan out.)

samiXlay (X and lay in the same screen name? you do the math)

krnstdslpk (that’s short for korn staind slipknot…. high school. confusing times indeed)

abfitchbaseball01 (ah yes, your favorite clothing brand + your favorite sport. classic.)

AlRetard87 (hilarious.)

BiGfLiRt0019 (hoe-tastic.)

CementHead20 (don’t know why but i love it.)

choomi9 (chew me 9? what kinda monster would want that? probably some kind of sicko these days)

CloggingForSatan (i just like this one.)

DrewDawgger28 (real original.)

Irish BaBii (it’d be fine if it weren’t for the weird capitalization)

Jerk40 (ay yi yi)

kingd1ck8 (weiner reference!)

m1ke1de (screams douchebag.  probably turned into a blogger/chef/possible murderer or something.)

minime1234 (i’m sure it was funny when austin powers came out.  shoulda thought that one through.)

NaTaS 666 (Satan backwards followed by the mark of the beast? Screams winner.)

SexiQThottie (had to realize you were gonna regret that one day.)

st00pidd1ck4 (another weiner guy!)

TheMysticMachine123 (love this one. he should probably still go by this every day.)

That’s all I’ve got.  Gotta go pass out.  Comment section your own screen name so I can make fun of you.