As you may have guessed, this list was not an easy one to compile mainly because there are literally hundreds of shitty movies out there that revolve around sports. Alright… let’s do the damn thing!
5. Summer Catch
Absolutely awful. As a baseball purist, everything about this movie sickens me. Not even Jessica Biel in a bikini can salvage this garbage. God bless her for trying though. On one hand, you have Freddie Prinze Jr. who is supposed to be some local hot-shot pitcher despite the fact that he throws worse than Johnny Damon. I love the 45-mph fastballs he lobs up to home plate followed by a shot of a radar gun showing 95 mph. On the other hand, you have Matthew Lillard (I actually respect him as an actor) who clearly has never played baseball in his life judging by his comical attempts at a real swing. Know why you’re struggling at the plate, Matty? It’s not because your head isn’t in the game, it’s because you fucking suck at baseball. It’s just a terrible storyline filled with bad acting. And we can’t forget about the final scene, where Prinze is two outs away from tossing a no-hitter with major league scouts in attendance, yet he decides to ditch the game to be with Biel. Definitely realistic. Hey Dan Milano, during your time in the Cape, how many pitchers did you see leave the mound during a no-no in order to make a “summer catch?” See what I did there? Spun the movie’s title into my review. Pretty fucking clever, huh?
- Any idea why Freddie Prinze Jr. is on the mound using an outfielder’s glove? Yeah, me neither…
4. Ladybugs
Fucking cheaters! You wonder why you don’t get any respect, Rodney Dangerfield? It’s because you’re a cheater on the same level as Barry Bonds, the Miami Heat and Danny Almonte. Sure, this movie is cute and all, but what does it teach our young children? That it’s okay to cheat without consequence and that it’s apparently okay to cross-dress at any age. For those of you who don’t know this movie, Dangerfield becomes the coach of an all-girl youth team that isn’t very good. He somehow convinces his fiancee’s son (who the hell would marry Rodney Dangerfield) to dress like a girl and play on the team. This secret weapon allows the team to win. Hooray! I would have killed myself too if I starred in this movie. What? Too soon?
Rest in peace, Jonathan Brandis. Or should I call you Johanna?
3. The Garbage Picking Field Goal Kicking Philadelphia Phenomenon
Yes, it was a made-for-TV movie. Yes, you can make fun of me for watching it. We all know that I’m a sometimes-witty, rarely-humorous, sad excuse for a blogger… but I’m not even sure I could have written a worse movie if I tried. Like, if my cats shit and pissed on a few pieces of paper, I left them in the hot summer sun for a few days then slapped a title page on that sucker, it would probably be better than this script. Maybe I’ll try that and send it to Tony Danza. Seems like he’s at the point in his miserable career where he’ll accept to act in just about anything. Wanna know how I know it’s a shitty movie? Chris Berman makes a cameo… and as anybody who has read my posts knows, I fucking detest that Jiminy Glick wannabe. Fuck you Boomer. Anyway, this flick has just three reviews on IMDB – another sure-fire sign that it’s dreadful. I’d be so embarrassed if I was a Philadelphia Eagles fan…
This movie was so bad, I literally couldn't find a single screen shot from it.
2. MVP – Most Valuable Primate
I know, I know… I’m in the same boat as you. I had no idea they made a documentary about black guys playing in the NHL. Oh, this is a family-oriented movie about a chimp who learns how to play hockey? Ah, can’t beat good old-fashioned family racism. In all seriousness, I’m not racist… this was just too good to pass up. I’ve never actually seen this movie, but I would assume it follows the same basic plot as all those shitty Air Bud movies. An animal joins an unsuccessful team which then becomes good. Yawn. The point is, if it takes an animal – whether it be chimp, dog, Tony Danza or a cross-dressing young boy – to make your team successful, you should just be ashamed of yourself.
Former NHL player Anson Carter stars in this hilarious family flick.
1. The Fan
Hands down, the worst sports movies of all-time. Wesley Snipes, Robert De Niro, director Tony Scott and screenplay writer Phoef Sutton all should have been bludgeoned to death following the release of this film. Just fucking miserable. The plot revolves around an obssessive San Francisco Giants fan who basically just loses his mind. Snipes, a perennial all-star and three-time MVP, is signed by the Giants in the off-season but doesn’t perform up to his standards (Adam Dunn, Carl Crawford and Dan Uggla anyone?). De Niro tries to help him out – not exactly sure how a regular fan has so much access to a star player – but eventually things go downhill. De Niro feels as though Snipes takes his help for granted and decides to kidnap Snipes’ son. Understandable reaction. Oh, sorry, I forgot to mention De Niro also murders the Giants’ left fielder earlier in the film. Evidently, the only way Snipes can get his son back is if he hits a home run during a game late in the season. That might be difficult for Snipes considering they are playing in a fucking hurricane. In all honesty, I’ve never seen such a joke of a scene in any movie ever. I’m shocked nobody approached Scott and was like, “Umm, hey Tony. You do realize they don’t play baseball in the rain, right?” Fucking Brits. Just downright idiotic.
you can hate on summer catch all you want but that pool scene with biel in the rain is priceless and important in every young man’s upbringing
Hit the nail on the head! For sure the worst. Though Mike is right, Biel in the rain…
How could you possibly miss ‘Ed’?
That’s probably the worst sportsmovie I’ve ever seen.